And I Pay Them for This? January 31, 2007

At my college, all of the professors are required to have a doctorate. You would think that would mean something, right? Well, yesterday blew that theory to hell.

I was sitting in my government class. Not only does the teacher have a doctorate, but she served as a state politician many years ago, then went on to marry our state senator. Very prominant lady around here. We were doing some silly little worksheet about which powers were federal and which were held at state level, when we came to this one:

Defines and punishes piracy.

Now I was under the assumption that we all understood what piracy was. I guess I’ll quit assuming. The professor said, “Now, who do you think is in charge of the pirates? Federal? Yeah, I think so too. However, I don’t think that’s too much of an issue these days, as not too many ships are robbed by pirates anymore.”

My jaw just dropped. Did she seriously think this was referring to peg-leg, eye patch, parrot on the shoulder pirates? Sadly, yes. I didn’t have the heart to correct her, but I did lose a lot of respect for her knowledge of today’s times!

Then I went into my accounting class. While we were taking a test, our professor was writing on the board. I saw this word:

TRUK

He is known for using acronyms all the time, so I spent the time after my test trying to figure out what it stood for. Turns out, it stood for nothing. He was spelling the word “Truck”.

I guess that’s what I get for attending college in Oklahoma.

Mourning my Camera (and my ability to remember things) January 28, 2007

Do you remember my story of missing the new year? Well, apparantly that’s not all I missed.

Sometime during the night, I had my camera out, snapping pictures of random funny drunk moments. Hey, I don’t get the opportunity much anymore and I wanted some good pics to post on here! For a long time, I had the camera sitting on an end table thing next to the ping pong table while we played our tournament. At some point, we switched to a table and I remember grabbing all of my things. After that, the night gets fuzzy.

I always keep my camera in my purse. The only exception is if I have a lot of stuff in it, I will take it out for a day or two, then return it. It had been a few weeks since I had needed my camera, so when I went to grab it the other day and it wasn’t it my purse, I just figured that I had misplaced it. I guess that’s an understatement.

I cleaned out my truck, tore apart the house, and called all of my friends and family who might know where to look. I called the bar, but to no avail. The only thing I can think of is that I left it at the bar and someone picked it up. I am just sick over it. I have only had that camera for a little less than 2 years. Thankfully I had just cleaned it off, so the only pictures I’m missing are of some snow, of the puppy when we first got him, and the drunk bar shots. I’m hoping that none of Squeaks were on there because it freaks me out to have some stranger walking around with pictures of my daughter. Sure, I post pics on here, but it’s a different thing to have them on a camera. Maybe I’m weird.

Either way, I have some leftover school grant money coming in a few weeks, so I’m planning on getting a new camera then. I will just hope that Squeaks does nothing cute or memorable between now and then!

Cleared for Take-off! January 25, 2007

14 months old and Squeaks finally took her first steps! This was the child who did everything early: roll over, sit up, crawl…but no walking. She loves to “walk” holding our hands, but today she finally did it on her own, and very well I might add.

At first I was concerned about her development. But then I watched her at play and I quickly figured out that she’s just like The Hubby and me: lazy! She could have walked a long time ago, but she had mastered crawling so well that why bother?!

I’m a proud mommy today.

(A proud mommy who got drunk on New Year’s and left her camera at the bar, meaning she can’t take pictures on this momentous day. More about that another day.)

Boring Ol’ Me January 23, 2007

I’m finally well. The snow has finally melted. My sister is finally home (which means her kids are too!).

These are all good things. But it also means that school is finally starting again. Grrr. I loved last semester so much, but this one is already looking to be a difficult one for me. I’ve adjusted pretty well to all of them, except for the programming class. Seeing as how that’s my major, I’m going to need to step it up! I’m talking to the head of the department tomorrow to see if I can switch out of the Russian’s class and into one where the professor actually teaches! I think that is my main hurdle right now.

So this is boring, I know, but I need some boring right now. The last few weeks have been too eventful for me! More later…

The One That Might Not Make Sense January 18, 2007

It snowed again today. Yippee. Thankfully, my mom took all the kids (I not only had Squeaks and my sister’s kids, but I added my brother’s kids to the mix) for the night. I would normally hesitate to dump that many kids on my mom and dad, but this cold that I’ve been fighting has finally won. I’m miserable. I can’t breathe. I can’t move. And to top it off, I was carrying Squeaks to the truck when I slipped and fell on the ice. I turned a strange way, trying to avoid injuring my kiddo, but in turn pinched something in my back.

So after I took the kids to Mom’s, I ran to everyone’s favorite, WalMart, to pick up a few necessities. First off, there were no freaking baskets inside (apparantly cart pushers get snow days), so I had to carry everything. I went to the pharmacy section to find something different that might help me be able to breathe again. You know that haze you get in when you are sick with a head cold? I was in one. I started blankly at the drugs until I finally chose one that is supposed to help with “extreme colds”.

Next I went in search of a vaporizer, as ours crapped out a few months back. If I was smart I would’ve saved this for last so that I didn’t have to tote it everywhere with me. But I am not that smart (we’ll blame it on the haze). For some reason in my spaced-out mind, I decided that I needed one of those little cute animal-shaped vaporizers. It didn’t occur to me until I got home that this would only appeal to Squeaks, making her want to play with it. Sigh. But as I stood before the variety of steaming animals, I suddenly treated this as if it were the biggest decision of my life — which animal to choose? I actually began reasoning:

I like the penguin. But we have lots of penguin stuff since Squeaks is obsessed with Pablo from the Backyardigans. Hmm…maybe the elephant? No, he looks kind of like an anteater and his trunk look kind of like a penis. What about the frog? It’s cute and Squeaks loves frogs…but there’s only one and it’s at the bottom. I don’t feel like moving it. What about the lion?…..

I finally decided for the phallic elephant, then went off in search of a thermometer. As I lugged my vulgar vaporizer around, I couldn’t find a damn thermometer anywhere. After 10 minutes of looking (and never seeing an employee to ask), I found them myself. In between the condoms and the pregnancy tests. Hmmm, what the hell is a thermometer doing there?

As I was checking out, I was looking around at all the other people and mentally thinking how they all looked really dressy for being out at WalMart. That’s when I looked down and realized I was wearing sweats, a shirt with baby snot on it, and I was mouth-breathing rather loudly because of the mucous. Oh, and I was hunched over from the pinched nerve. And they say a mom’s life isn’t glamorous…

I’m. Going. Insane. January 17, 2007

The weather still sucks around here. School is cancelled yet again for tomorrow, which means my sister’s kids will still be sitting around my house. I will hear “I’m bored” “That’s so stupid” and “Can we PLEASE play a game?”. And I’ve heard those things 80 thousand times.

I kind of cheated today. I sent them all (including Squeaks) to my mom’s house. I’m sick with a sinus infection and I didn’t feel like dealing with them, so I made The Hubby and his 4WD truck whisk them away. It’s been nice and I think I will be recharged enough to face them this evening!

So please tell me any fun indoor games or projects I can do with these kids. We are all so bored. I’ve watched High School Musical more times than I care to admit. It’s a good movie, don’t get me wrong, but there are only so many times I can “Get my head in the game”. Blah.

Oklahoma Weather January 15, 2007

Last week the highs were in the 70’s. Now we’re in the middle of an ice storm. Somebody explain this to me.

To top it all off, my dear sister is on her cruise, so her kiddos are snowed (or iced, rather) in at our house with us. For those of you keeping track, that’s me, The Hubby, Karate Kid (12), Drama Queen (9), and Squeaks (14 mo). We have no cable tv, no movies that are appropriate for a 9 year old girl to watch, and no games. The poor kids have been playing with toddler toys!

But don’t feel too sorry for them. They brought their Nintendo DS things and their portable DVD players, which they’re spent most of their time playing with. It’s me that’s going insane. I get cabin fever easily in the first place, but now it’s insane.

Add to it that the puppy won’t freaking potty outside because it’s a sheet of ice, which means I’m cleaning up shit all day. Oh, and the fact that my laptop is on the fritz. It started pouring smoke out if it last night, so we’re quarantining it until it can get to the doctor. Fun times.

But here’s some humor. If you read my sister’s blog at all, you know that her daughter can be a little, um, strange. I love the girl with all my heart, but she’s a different one. Friday night we had this conversation:

DQ: Wouldn’t it be funny if people taught their dogs to strip?
Me: Um, dogs don’t wear clothes.
DQ: Well, then they could turn their skin inside out.
Me: That still doesn’t make them naked.
DQ: Oh nevermind. You just don’t get it.

Obviously not.

Hey You, Leave a Comment January 12, 2007

It snuck (sneaked?) up on me, but it’s time once again for Delurking Week! So please leave a comment if you’re reading this, even if you’ve never commented before. I know many people visit daily, but don’t comment, so drop me a line this time!

All this got me thinking: I never did anything special for my blog anniversary. As of last month, I’ve had this blog for a year. So much has changed in that year…

I was a new mommy. I was scared and worried about my skill as a mother. I was suffering major PPD. I was looking to other mothers for humor and advice.

Since then, I’ve become more confident in myself. I’ve overcome that horrible PPD. I’m now the mother of a one year old. We bought our first house. I’m back in college. I laugh and smile frequently. I still look to my blogging buddies for advice, but I can also share tips. I’ve made some lasting friendships. I’ve met so many people, some who haven’t stuck with me, but that’s okay. Life tends to interfere with blogging, doesn’t it?

So I guess I shouldn’t be Sleepy NEW Mommy anymore, but I don’t feel like changing my blog name. I’m still newer than some! And Squeaks should actually be called Yells, but why change it now?!

So thanks to all of you who have stuck with me for this year. And for you newbies, ya’ll come back now, ya hear?

Why I Won’t Ever Make Friends at the Gym January 11, 2007

I recently joined a new gym. I was going to one in the town we used to live in (and the town in which I go to school), but the one I’m now at offered better classes, prices, etc. It also helps that my 2 best friends are members there, so I’m more motivated to go work out with other people along. But I’ve noticed one small problem since I started going there — every time I’m in there, I have hellacious gas. No joke.

It started out innocently enough. My first day to work out there, I was running on the treadmill. Have you ever heard the term “walking farts”? Well, it applies to running as well. They just come out at a higher rate of speed. Lucky for me, all the machines are close together, so everyone was bound to smell me! I was waiting to see people passed out on their machines due to my noxious gasses.

But apparantly this was not a one-time phenomenon. Oh, no. Every damn time I go there, I have the farts. And it’s not just the treadmill. It goes for everything. Weight machines? You betcha. Elipticals? Yep. But the best is those exercise ball thingys (technical term). If you’re doing crunches on those and you fart, it’s like putting a freaking bullhorn to your ass and announcing to the whole gym that you have bowel problems.

I’m waiting for people to start talking about me (if they haven’t already). I will be “that farting chick” or “the smelly one”. People will snicker behind their hands and no one will want to work out in my general vicinity. Maybe I could use this to my advantage — I always have a hard time finding an available weight machine!

On Second Thought… January 10, 2007

So today was the first day of my in-class courses. Let me just say that this semester is going to be a bitch.

My first class is computer programming. I got there a little early and found a seat at a computer in the middle of the room. As I passed by the little nerdy instructor, I said hi to him, only to receive no reply. For the next 15 minutes, we watched him crawl around on the floor, messing with chords and such for the main computer. During this whole time, he never spoke a word. We all sat around, wondering what kind of character we had gotten involved with. We soon found out.

Turns out, they changed our instructor at the last minute and we are now stuck with a Russian man who can barely speak English. Yay. I was trying really hard to concentrate on his lecture, but I found myself daydreaming because I couldn’t understand most of what he said. Thankfully he will be posting our assignments online, so I stand a chance of at least getting the work done! I’m just concerned about asking questions and not being able to understand the response!

Next I have American Federal Government, a class I should have taken years ago when I took my GenEd stuff. This class wouldn’t be bad, but it’s taught by the wife of our state senator and she has absolutely no personality. That and she is (for good reason) very serious about government and can’t fathom the thought that I might not be that excited about the class. Don’t get me wrong, I follow government issues…I’m just not excited about exploring the Constitution “in depth”. The good point to this class is that we have a group project in which we do a campaign that we present to the rest of the class. That should be fun.

Finally, I have Accounting. First off, I am not big on math. Secondly, The Hubby had this teacher for quite a few classes in the past, so I’m already familiar with his teaching methods. If you ask a question, he tells you “RTFB”, which stands for Read The Fucking Book. Nice, huh? And I pay this guy out the ass to teach me. Sadly, he’s my favorite teacher right now, as he speaks decent English and he has a personality!

My other classes are online courses and they seems to be going alright. I can’t really complain about those (not yet anyway)! I’m interested to see how this semester will go. There will definitely be a lot of work involved, which I’m capable of, but I’m not sure I’m up for such an interesting mix of professors!