So Long, 2007 December 31, 2007

It’s late and I should be in bed.  But I’m all off on my schedule, so I can’t seem to sleep at the correct times anymore.  Since it is now technically New Year’s Eve, I figured I would write a bit about my resolutions.  Normally I don’t make resolutions because they’re so hard to keep.  But I also usually set goals that are unreasonable.  So I’ve really thought about what I want to change.  2007 was a year that was unremarkable all around and I want to be able to say differently for the next year.  So here goes:

1.  I will try my hardest to get us out of debt.  This means spending less on petty things (eating out all the time), getting rid of the evil credit cards, paying off things that should have long ago been paid off.  Since we bought this house, we’ve accumlated quite a bit of debt.  We’re not horribly in over our heads, but I want to head it off before it gets there.  So I’m going to watch our spending, hopefully allowing us to pay more things off.  I’ll quit charging things.  And I’ll take on more odd jobs (extra bows, perhaps?) to help us gain some extra income.

2.  I will try to better myself in domestic areas.  I will be the first to admit that I’m a terrible homemaker.  I’ve got the stay at home mom thing down, but I can’t seem to balance it with all of the other household duties.  I’m already well on my way to fixing this, but I want 2008 to be better.  I’ll actually put the clothes away after washing them, rather than moving stacks around until we don’t know what’s clean anymore and we have to rewash them.  I’ll quit letting dishes piles up.  I’ll sweep and mop more often.  Don’t get me wrong — we aren’t filthy people, but I’m a long way from where I want to be.  And mostly I need to work on my cooking skills.  Baking I can do, but I’m not a great cook.  I’ve been trying a little bit, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to have a good meal for my hubby when he gets home from work.

3.  Ah, the weight loss issue.  I’m not vowing to get in perfect shape or to diet the whole year.  Instead I’m committing to 6 weeks on the Abs Diet.  Six weeks is not long at all.  I started doing this diet in September and lost quite a bit of weight (that I’ve since put back on) in only the first week or two.  But I quit doing it once I started seeing results.  I now see the downfalls to that, so I’m working on it.

4.  I’m going to try to have more patience with Squeaks.  Notice I said TRY.  She’s in that talking phase where sometimes I can understand her perfectly and sometimes I have no damn clue.  Lately she will say “Mama” about 30 times, until I’m yelling “WHAT????”.  Then she jabbers something I can’t understand and this turns into me losing it.  I find myself yelling a lot when I get frustrated and I don’t want to be that kind of mom.  This resolution is the one that means the most to me.  I know I won’t suddenly have great patience, but it’s something I want to work on throughout the year.

5.  I need to take time to find “me”.  I know it sounds so cliche, but I really lost myself this year.  I don’t have a lot of friends anymore because I’m doing the mom thing and neglecting my other relationships.  I don’t put myself in situations to meet new people.  I don’t try hard enough.  I think I just need to define myself as a person, other than as a mom.  I know that’s who I am now and I wouldn’t change it for anything, but I’d like to find something I enjoy doing — a new hobby or something.

 So these are my goals.  I’m sure I won’t keep them all, but I think I’ve set things to be pretty attainable.  They’re not outrageous or anything, so I’ve just got to keep my mind set on these things.  They are all things I’ve been wanting to do anyway, the timing of it all just happened to coincide with the new year.  So I’m counting all you all to check up on me from time to time. 

Now tell me…what are your resolutions?

Things I Learned From the Ice Storm: December 29, 2007

1.  Aquarium fish can live for almost two week in freezing cold water with no food.  I seriously thought they were dead, so I was prepared to buy more before Squeaks saw them, but when the power came back on and the water warmed up, they were just fine again.

2.  If there are branches falling everywhere, your brand new truck will get scratched. 

3.  Don’t buy a $700 generator, as your power will come back on the next day.

4.  Don’t just assume that you don’t have much in the fridge, so it’s okay if it goes bad.  We had a bag of chicken breasts (uncooked) that leaked all over the place after two weeks of no refrigeration.  We now refer to it as the Chicken Incident of 2007.  It was almost worse than the storm.

5.  Enjoy the fact that gas prices won’t raise one single penny while there is a state of crisis.  People were getting busted for price gouging, so every station was terrified to raise their prices.  We enjoyed almost a month of low gas prices, even over the holidays.

6.  I really do love my home.  There are days I can’t wait to leave, but now I appreciate this place more than ever.

7.  Life without DVR is almost not worth living.

8.  My child is an angel and sleeps long hours at Granny and Papa’s, only to return home to her early waking self.  I guess I should be thankful I got a week of sleeping in.

9.  It’s eerie when even Wal-Mart has no power.  It made driving at night a very scary experience.  I felt like I was in a bad horror movie and something was just about to jump out at me.  Maybe I read too much…

10.  Cleaning up fallen trees is a never-ending process.

11.  It’s fun to try to have sex in your parents’ house.  Sure they know you do it, but it’s different when you’re in their home, trying to be quiet and sneak in a quickie.  We felt like kids again.

Merry (Late) Christmas December 29, 2007

Christmas is over and for once I’m relieved.  Things have been too crazy around here lately and I’m ready for things to settle down.  Don’t get me wrong — we had an amazing Christmas, I just wasn’t ever in the spirit of things.  My sweet husband spoiled me, though.  I got a bunch of new pajama pants (I’ve been wanting some new ones ever since I set my last ones on fire), an iPod Shuffle, and a nice high-end karaoke machine because I like to break it down in the comfort of my own home.  I’ve been wanting a karaoke machine for years now, but The Hubby would never get me one because he gets tired of my relentless singing.  I guess he finally caved (probably because he didn’t know what else to get).  He put some sexy new panties in my stocking, which cracks me up because I can totally see him buying panties.  I got a new peacoat that’s incredibly too small, but is in the process of being exchanged.  I got new hot rollers.  I got a ton of candy.  He spoils me and I can admit it.

But I took care of him as well and Squeaks is the one that really made out.  Not only did we shower her with things, but The Hubby’s grandfather spent $1000 on savings bonds for Squeaks to go towards her college education when they (and she!) mature.  I was speechless, but he wanted to give her something now since he won’t be around much longer.  But despite all of the gift-giving, I was just glad to be back in my warm home in time for the holidays.

I hope you all had a great time at whatever holiday you celebrate.  I’m dying to hear what gifts you received and hear your wacky stories.  I don’t have any great pictures to post as I misplaced my camera sometime during the shuffling of houses while our power was out.  So you’ll have to send me yours so that I can have some sort of holiday photo to look at!

Yay! December 28, 2007

I’m home!  I’m home!  I’m home!  Thanks to all of you who were thinking of us during this horrible storm.  We actually got to come home a few days before Christmas.  We went to buy a generator, but they didn’t have one big enough to run our house off of.  Thankfully, the next morning our power came back on and we were back in business!  I have never been so glad to see my house in my life.  I was excited to clean and do laundry, simply because I COULD!  Then we had the internet issue — a tree hit our dish and broke it, so we have been without internet until about 30 minutes ago.  I have been dying without it!  I feel so out of the loop.

I’ve got so much blogging to catch up on, both reading and writing, so stick with me while I get back in the swing of thing!

Getting Over Myself December 14, 2007

George W. Bush has proclaimed my part of Oklahoma to be a disaster area.  It’s official now, although I could have told you this 6 days ago.  I’m going on day 6 of no power, no running water, no being able to live at home.  I’m so thankful that my parents have been able to maintain power throughout this ordeal, so that we all have a place to go.  I’m really trying to stay positive about that fact, but it gets hard.  We have been told that it doesn’t even look like we will be in our homes by Christmas, so that’s the hardest thing for me to swallow.  We are discussing buying a generator, just so we can stay at home.  FEMA is reimbursing half the cost of generators, but I feel guilty taking their money when we really don’t need it.  Plus I don’t have a lot of faith in FEMA after the whole Hurricane Katrina madness.

But Squeaks is going wonderfully.  She loves being around her Granny and Papa.  Her cousins have been over every day to play and she thinks life is great.  Thankfully she’s sleeping very well, so I am really not having any problems with her.  The Hubby hasn’t been around, as his company has put him up in a hotel across the street from work so that he can make it in every day.  It’s nice of them to do it, but I’m ready to see him!  All in all I’m in better spirits today than I have been, but we’ll see how long this holds up!

The Lump Saga Continued December 12, 2007

Instead of depressing everyone with my stories of the worst power outages in the history of Oklahoma or how the president has declared it a disaster area, I’m going to tell you about last week’s disaster — before the ice showed up.

A long time ago I wrote about an experience I had with a breast lump.  I would go through my archives and fine it, but I’m tired and really don’t feel like searching through that mess, so I’ll give you the quick version:  I had a lump in my right breast, so I had an ultrasound, a mammogram, and a needle biopsy in which I felt everything that was happening, despite being numbed.  I was never really given a diagnoses, I was just told that it wasn’t cancer.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.  I went for my yearly “well-woman exam” — don’t you like how they word that?  My new (and much more competent) docter and I discussed the lump and she decided it wouldn’t hurt to send me to a specialist, since the lump had been getting bigger over the course of time.  So Thursday I went in for a consult at the hospital with a breast surgeon.  First I was informed that my quack of a previous doctor had completely missed when he did my needle biopsy, meaning they got no sample of the mass.  This was all written in his notes, which is why I never got a definitive diagnoses.  The surgeon told me she was going to send me down to the ultrasound room to have it checked again and then we would go from there.  She said that it simply felt like a fibroadenoma (a benign fibroid that only causes problems when it grows too big).

I was ushered to ultrasound, where the tech started and then said “Oh”.  And the way she said it totally freaked me out.  She continued checking around and then my doctor came in to talk to me.  The lump I was feeling was HUGE, bigger than could be felt externally.  Not only that, but I had 4 other tumors in the same area.  They decided to remove all that they could with a really cool device that reminded me of a fillet knife.  They would cut me open, insert this device, and it would slowly shave off the tumors.  They assured me that they would completely numb my breast so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the pain from the needle biopsy.  But they couldn’t keep their promise.  They used drug after drug and stuck me so many times, but I never got fully numb.  I felt pain like I had never imagined while this device was cutting away at me.  I was crying during the surgery and thankfully one nice older nurse came and help my hand and wiped my tears away for me.  When they had given me the maximum amount of drugs possible and I still was feeling everything, they decided that they had done enough.  I’m still not sure how much they left, as I could only feel one lump in the first place, but it’s noticeably smaller. 

So I left the hospital stitched up yet still bleeding.  I called The Hubby to come pick me up because I was whacked out from the drugs and I didn’t think my right arm would cooperate with me driving.  He freaked out since I wasn’t scheduled to have surgery and he rushed over to get me. 

I’m doing much better now.  I had a problem with bleeding for a few days, but it’s better now.  The stitches are out and it just likes someone bit my boob.  The results came back and they were indeed fibroadenomas, thankfully.  I have to go back in 6 months to have another ultrasound to see if there is any more growth.  If they have to operate again, I was assured that they would put me out to do it since I have drug-resistant boobs.

Sucky, Sucky, Sucky December 11, 2007

An ice storm has decided to tear Oklahoma a new one.  I’m homeless for the time being, as we have had no power since 5 am yesterday and the temperatures are below freezing.  We’re staying with my parents until we get power, which “they” say won’t happen until at least next week.  I’m assuming longer, as we went home tonight to check on things and there isn’t a power pole standing within two miles of our house.  We lost all of our trees (and we had a LOT of them), possibly damaged our roof, and are living out of grocery sacks until we can go back home.  I am very thankful that we have a place to go to, but I’m sad that I can’t go home to my own stuff.  I’ll post more when I’m not so down about things.

Baby Steps December 6, 2007

I apologize if posting is sparse for awhile.  I am entering a very, very busy week complete with finals, a check-up for Squeaks, an appointment with a breast specialist/surgeon to discuss a lump that my doctor is worried about, my mother’s second knee replacement surgery, a military Christmas party, my best friend’s daugther’s birthday party, a Christmas program that my mom’s school children are putting on, and trying to squeeze in some studying and sleeping in there.  I’m sure I’ll be around, but I might not have time to do much posting until the storm is over.

So Much Like Her Mother December 4, 2007

In all of my griping about my daughter’s neuroses, I forgot to tell everyone about the absolutely hilarious incident in our house.  Last week I was putting the finishing touches on our Christmas decorations while Squeaks played dress-up in her room (I love the fact that her room is right off the living room!).  I put in my Twisted Sister Christmas DVD (yeah I’m THAT cool) to add to the festive mood I was in.  During one song, my daughter decided to make her entrance wearing footie-pajamas, a tutu and a pair of fairy wings.  Her hair was crazy, as we hadn’t brushed it since she woke up (and brushing doesn’t do any good anyway), which completed the look.  But the best part is that the child went nuts over the music!  She danced all over the living room in her tutu and wings and cried when the song ended…we had to play it over and over.   It made me think of one night in college when I drank an entire bottle of tequila and decided to dance for everyone. Thankfully I got the video camera out because that was a moment that I can’t wait to blackmail her with when she is a teenager.

A Recipe for…Therapy December 1, 2007

I’ve heard (and read) a lot about toddler fears.  But we are in the throes of a major fear epidemic.  Squeaks has suddenly experienced the fear emotion and it seems that everything is freaking her out these days.  I know that this is a normal phase, but I’m worried that she’s getting too wrapped up in these fears.  And I’m hoping it’s not a sign of worse things to come.

There have been so many things over the last month that freak her out, but I’ll only tell you the stories of a few incidents.  When I was putting up Christmas decorations the other day, Squeaks found an Eeyore stuffed animal that’s wearing a scarf, hidden in one of the boxes.  And she freaked out.  She came flying over to me, saying “Eeyore scary.  No Eeyore Mama.”  And then any time I went to put her down, she trembled and cried.  I finally had to put the damn donkey back in the box and hide it upstairs.  It was out of sight, out of mind until today when Squeaks walked by the box, whose lid had come off.  I heard her wails of “Nooooooooooo Eeyore!” all the way across the house.  She was terrified.

But it’s not just stuffed animals.  It’s family members that she knows well and has previously loved.  It’s our Christmas tree (which I can see being a legitimate fear for a toddler).  It’s a piece of toast.  It’s a shoe.  It’s sleeping people.  Not kidding, she won’t walk by a sleeping person.  And it’s not just that she’s using the word “scary” because she doesn’t know how to use it.  She is actually terrified of these things.  She hides and wails, usually clinging to me until we take care of the issue.  But if it’s something that we can put away so it doesn’t bother her?  She freaks out when it’s put away.  When she was terrified of a cat toy, we put it away, only to hear her ask where the cat went for the next hour.  It’s like she is scared of it, but she’d rather have it in her sights than to leave it up to chance that they run into each other again.

So I guess I’m wondering if anyone else had a child who behaved this way.  Is this something I should be concerned about?  I was worried that she was just feeling insecure, but there have been no changes in our house lately (excpet potty training, but this all started before that).  We spend plenty of time with her and she should not be insecure, so I don’t know what’s going on.  I guess I will mention it to the doctor when we take her for her (late) 2 year checkup.  I’m sure it’s just a part of being 2, mixed with her quirky personality.  I’m not looking forward to the teenage years…