A Time For Change April 30, 2008

2005 began and found me attending Oklahoma State University to become a veterinarian.  The program is typically 8 years long, but I was figuring it would be more like 10 to 12 for me, simply because I was burning out fast.  I was working for a very unethical veterinarian and in mid-January, I left that job, simply because I couldn’t take working for him anymore.  I had plenty of money saved up so I decided to go job-less for a few weeks, as I’d never had that luxury before.  But with school being my only resonsibility, I fell back into the old party routine.  My roommates and I hit the strip every night for whatever specials they had, then a party always formed at our house after closing time.  I was having the time of my life.

My now-husband and I had been dating for years at this point and we were very committed.  We were talking marriage, but couldn’t decide on when we wanted to do it.  There was no rush for us, as it was simply a legal piece of paper to reaffirm our committment to one another.  In February we loaded up with a bunch of our friends to attend a music festival in Dallas, which happened to coincide with my hubby’s birthday.  A drunken rendezvous in the hotel shower came back to haunt us 6 weeks later when I found out I was pregnant.  I was mixed in my emotions, but hubby was thrilled.  His excitement won me over.  I had always wanted children, I just didn’t know it would happen so soon.  But reality began to set in that I had no job, no insurance, and was quickly running out of money.  I could go find jobs, but not many people want to hire a pregnant woman who can’t hold down any amount of food.

And then there was the issue of my parents.  My southern Baptist preacher of a father and my mother would not take this well.  At all.  And they didn’t.  They were devastated and mad.  They were hurt.  They were every negative emotion possible and it never crossed their minds that this wasn’t a disaster.  It’s a baby.  I knew they would come around, but we had dropped a pretty big bombshell on them.

Back at my house in Stillwater, my roommates were up to no good.  Apparantly having a pregnant roomie was bringing them down and they were having none of it.  Drama ensued and I decided it was time to move back home, where my now-hubby was and where I could be closer to family.  But I wasn’t ready to live with my parents and I didn’t have the money for my own place.  Hubby was living with his mother, helping her out with bills since her divorce had left her with nothing.  We decided the two of us would start looking to buy a house soon, no rush as long as we were in before the baby was born.  We kept discussing marriage, but didn’t want to rush it simply because I was pregnant.  We didn’t want people to think we married out of obligation.  We had decided on marrying after the baby was born and I didn’t look like a pregnant cow.

And that’s when the Air Force decided to take my man from me…send him overseas to fight for our country.  I was crushed.  He was the one constant in my life and he was being taken from me.  The uncertainty of the war scared me.  I didn’t want to stay with his mother while he was gone, so I went back to my parents, who were able to put me on their insurance since I was technically still a student.  I spent the next 45 days in bed at their house, crying, waiting for the time at night when I could instant message with my man, if only for a few minutes.  I was beyond depressed and feeling all alone.  My parents really tried to be there for me, but I was still unsure of their intentions, isn’t that horrible?  At least I had my baby, the one thing that gave me hope for the future.

The day my hubby came home was amazing.  It was the first day I felt the baby kick and it was like she knew her daddy was coming home.  It was so nice to cry tears for a good reason.  We spend the next few weeks traveling and reconnecting after being apart.  He was so great.  But when I was 26 weeks pregnant I went into early labor.  I was put on bedrest, which meant I had to drop out of school.  When this happened, I was once again dropped from insurance.  At this point we had a decision to make:  should we get married so I could be covered by his insurance?  It sounded like a horrible reason to marry a man, but we knew it would end in marriage at some point.  With my pregnancy complications I could not go on without insurance.  But the thought of marrying out of necessity really bothered me.  I didn’t want him to feel that he was stuck with me because of it.

One night it all came to a head when I refused to marry him for insurance purposes.  He kept reiterating that he wasn’t asking just for health concerns, but because he loves me and wants to be married to me.  I didn’t buy it.  Finally he stomped off to the closet, pulled out and box and in his underwear gave me a ring, saying “Does this prove it?”.  He had bought me an engagement ring overseas from a diamond dealer, but had been hiding it from me because he didn’t want me to think he did it out of obligation.  He wanted it to be special, a gift to me after our daughter was born.  But I screwed that all up.  My excitement was mixed with sorrow that I spoiled such a sweet thing! 

We filed for a marriage license, not wanting to waste any time in case I went into labor again.  On September 5th (Labor Day), we got married in my parents’ living room.  My dad the preacher performed the wedding.  My brother and his wife were our witnesses.  We wore shorts.  Dad gave me a bouquet to carry, ordered a cake, and made punch.  It was perfect…almost.  My mother missed it.  She was out of town, but she didn’t want us to wait just in case I needed that insurance.  I still wish she could have been there, but that day was still amazing and so totally US.  We don’t ever do anything by the book, so why should our wedding be any different?

Although some people still see it as a marriage of necessity, we both know how real it was for us.  We both cried and spoke from our hearts.  It’s a day I will never forget.