My Vendetta June 2, 2007
Outside of my front door live some of my most bitter enemies. And I’ll be damned if they haven’t got the best of me.
About a month ago, I noticed a bunch of big bumblebees hanging out around our front porch. While I can handle a lot of insects, I don’t do anything with stingers. And by that I mean that I run the other way. And scream. I’ve seen the news stories about people in Oklahoma dying from killer bee stings because the people thought they were just bumblebees. And I’m positive we’re hosting a bunch of killer bees. Don’t try to convince me otherwise.
Anyway, these bees have apparantly taken up residence under our porch. During the day, they go about their normal bee activities, totally ignoring The Hubby and Squeaks. But me? They smell my fear. And they’ve got a mission to take me down. There is one huge ass bee (I think he’s the mob leader — of maybe it’s a she, since the women hold all the power in bee land) that literally stands guard at our front steps. It hides behind the railing, letting anyone pass until it’s my turn. Then when it gets its little bee eyes on me, it comes charging. And I’m totally letting it win.
One day The Hubby asked me to grab something off of the porch for him. I stood at the steps for a good 3 minutes, waiting for the perfect opportunity to get past the guard. Once I saw my opening, I literally flew up the steps, tripping at the top and rolling the rest of the way across the deck. And that wasn’t a one-time occurrence. The neighbors love to laugh at me as I explode across the porch, running from a bee so small that they can’t even see from their yard.
There have even been days that I let them win. I just go in the back door to avoid confrontation. There are only so many bruises that my legs can handle, you know? The Hubby just laughs at me all the time, telling me that they’re just bees and that I can outsmart them. But I think he’s wrong. These are super genius bees. Not only that, but they laugh at me. Little bee laughter.
They’ll get what’s coming to them. You wait and see.
