A Time For Change April 30, 2008

2005 began and found me attending Oklahoma State University to become a veterinarian.  The program is typically 8 years long, but I was figuring it would be more like 10 to 12 for me, simply because I was burning out fast.  I was working for a very unethical veterinarian and in mid-January, I left that job, simply because I couldn’t take working for him anymore.  I had plenty of money saved up so I decided to go job-less for a few weeks, as I’d never had that luxury before.  But with school being my only resonsibility, I fell back into the old party routine.  My roommates and I hit the strip every night for whatever specials they had, then a party always formed at our house after closing time.  I was having the time of my life.

My now-husband and I had been dating for years at this point and we were very committed.  We were talking marriage, but couldn’t decide on when we wanted to do it.  There was no rush for us, as it was simply a legal piece of paper to reaffirm our committment to one another.  In February we loaded up with a bunch of our friends to attend a music festival in Dallas, which happened to coincide with my hubby’s birthday.  A drunken rendezvous in the hotel shower came back to haunt us 6 weeks later when I found out I was pregnant.  I was mixed in my emotions, but hubby was thrilled.  His excitement won me over.  I had always wanted children, I just didn’t know it would happen so soon.  But reality began to set in that I had no job, no insurance, and was quickly running out of money.  I could go find jobs, but not many people want to hire a pregnant woman who can’t hold down any amount of food.

And then there was the issue of my parents.  My southern Baptist preacher of a father and my mother would not take this well.  At all.  And they didn’t.  They were devastated and mad.  They were hurt.  They were every negative emotion possible and it never crossed their minds that this wasn’t a disaster.  It’s a baby.  I knew they would come around, but we had dropped a pretty big bombshell on them.

Back at my house in Stillwater, my roommates were up to no good.  Apparantly having a pregnant roomie was bringing them down and they were having none of it.  Drama ensued and I decided it was time to move back home, where my now-hubby was and where I could be closer to family.  But I wasn’t ready to live with my parents and I didn’t have the money for my own place.  Hubby was living with his mother, helping her out with bills since her divorce had left her with nothing.  We decided the two of us would start looking to buy a house soon, no rush as long as we were in before the baby was born.  We kept discussing marriage, but didn’t want to rush it simply because I was pregnant.  We didn’t want people to think we married out of obligation.  We had decided on marrying after the baby was born and I didn’t look like a pregnant cow.

And that’s when the Air Force decided to take my man from me…send him overseas to fight for our country.  I was crushed.  He was the one constant in my life and he was being taken from me.  The uncertainty of the war scared me.  I didn’t want to stay with his mother while he was gone, so I went back to my parents, who were able to put me on their insurance since I was technically still a student.  I spent the next 45 days in bed at their house, crying, waiting for the time at night when I could instant message with my man, if only for a few minutes.  I was beyond depressed and feeling all alone.  My parents really tried to be there for me, but I was still unsure of their intentions, isn’t that horrible?  At least I had my baby, the one thing that gave me hope for the future.

The day my hubby came home was amazing.  It was the first day I felt the baby kick and it was like she knew her daddy was coming home.  It was so nice to cry tears for a good reason.  We spend the next few weeks traveling and reconnecting after being apart.  He was so great.  But when I was 26 weeks pregnant I went into early labor.  I was put on bedrest, which meant I had to drop out of school.  When this happened, I was once again dropped from insurance.  At this point we had a decision to make:  should we get married so I could be covered by his insurance?  It sounded like a horrible reason to marry a man, but we knew it would end in marriage at some point.  With my pregnancy complications I could not go on without insurance.  But the thought of marrying out of necessity really bothered me.  I didn’t want him to feel that he was stuck with me because of it.

One night it all came to a head when I refused to marry him for insurance purposes.  He kept reiterating that he wasn’t asking just for health concerns, but because he loves me and wants to be married to me.  I didn’t buy it.  Finally he stomped off to the closet, pulled out and box and in his underwear gave me a ring, saying “Does this prove it?”.  He had bought me an engagement ring overseas from a diamond dealer, but had been hiding it from me because he didn’t want me to think he did it out of obligation.  He wanted it to be special, a gift to me after our daughter was born.  But I screwed that all up.  My excitement was mixed with sorrow that I spoiled such a sweet thing! 

We filed for a marriage license, not wanting to waste any time in case I went into labor again.  On September 5th (Labor Day), we got married in my parents’ living room.  My dad the preacher performed the wedding.  My brother and his wife were our witnesses.  We wore shorts.  Dad gave me a bouquet to carry, ordered a cake, and made punch.  It was perfect…almost.  My mother missed it.  She was out of town, but she didn’t want us to wait just in case I needed that insurance.  I still wish she could have been there, but that day was still amazing and so totally US.  We don’t ever do anything by the book, so why should our wedding be any different?

Although some people still see it as a marriage of necessity, we both know how real it was for us.  We both cried and spoke from our hearts.  It’s a day I will never forget.

Where It All Started April 28, 2008

During my first semester of college I was dating this guy that I can now only cringe when I think about.  He and I were horrible together, but I was dealing with the whole mind-games thing that guys do and I was staying with him.  I had a certain agriculture class in which we all talked about our lives and what was going on.  In this class was a guy who caught my eye.  I would share in class about my awful boyfriend and they would all make fun of me for staying with him.  Even I knew it was pathetic, but I was young and dumb.

I bought some tickets to go to a George Strait concert in Oklahoma City (George happens to be the true love of my life).  My boyfriend and I were supposed to go to this concert together on Halloween.  But as the weeks up to the concert drew near, I was getting fed up with my whole relationship.  I finally ended things, thankful to be out of such a verbally abusive realtionship.  Because of this controlling boyfriend, I had cut a lot of ties with my old friends from high school.  I found myself with and extra ticket to George Strait and no one to share it with.

I showed up for my agriculture class one day, still trying to figure out what to do with this ticket.  From out of the blue, this guy I had been eyeing all semester approached me and asked me out.  I jumped at the chance to go out with him and told him I had the perfect idea for our date.  We agreed to meet and drive to the City together for the concert.  We didn’t exchange numbers or anything, so I got nervous, thinking he would stand me up.  But lo and behold, he came.  We made the trek to OKC together and had an amazing night.  We drank way too much, danced, sang, and got to know one another.  And then I made an ass out of myself.  I got so drunk that I made him pull over on the side of the turnpike so I could throw up.  And I’m pretty sure I popped a squat and peed in the median.  It was bad.

When we got back to where we had met up, he told me that I was in no condition to drive (obviously).  He told me that he had an extra room at his house and that I was welcome to crash there until I could drive the next morning.  And here’s where I’m so glad this guy wasn’t a serial killer because in my drunken stupor, I agreed.  He took me to his place, tucked me into bed, then left me alone the rest of the night.  Even that drunk, I realized he was a pretty great guy for not trying to take advantage of me.  It wasn’t until the next day that I learned that he did not have a spare room, he let me stay in his bed while he slept on the couch.  He then drove me to my truck, gave me his number, and left.

I figured that this guy was too nice to be real.  I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I called him just so he had my number, but I didn’t persue it any more.  Thankfully, he did.  I heard from him every day after our first date.  We were constantly together.  I didn’t think I was ready for it after just ending the other relationship, but I just felt drawn to this man.

As I’m sure you all figured out, this date of mine is now my sweet, loving Hubby.  He fell for me despite that fact that I became a raging drunk on our first date.  He held my hair while I puked in the median of the road (and I’m pretty sure I puked on his boot).  I don’t know what attracted him to me, but I’m so glad it did, as I have the best husband in the whole world!

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More stories to come about the antics my husband had to put up with while dating me….and more.

Too Busy for Love? February 17, 2008

I’ve noticed a few downfalls to being a working mom, but the one that bothers me most is my sex life.  Or lack thereof.

Since The Hubby works odd hours and days and I work every afternoon and evening, we rarely have time to spend together.  When I get home from work, I stay up pretty late, trying to do homework, bows, and general housework.  The Hubby has been really good about helping out around the house, though, so I’m really thankful for that.  But the problem is that we haven’t had time to enjoy even a quickie in over a week.  I know some of you think that’s no big deal, but we have always prided ourselves on a really active and great sex life.  So this sucks.

So how do you all manage to keep everything going, including bedroom time?  Do you find the time?  Is sex something that only happens on birthdays?  Tell me your story.

Bad Military Wife January 6, 2008

As many of you know, The Hubby is in the Air Force.  He has served for 9 years now, is a veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom in Iraq, and has served numerous other deployments stateside.  I’ve always been so proud of him and the way he serves our country.  I’ve helped out with things on base, I’ve helped get the troops ready for deployments, I have made numerous friends through the military.  But I have a secret.

The Hubby is tired of it all.  There have been some issues with his captain that are preventing him from promoting any further and he’s fed up with it.  There are actually many reasons he’s ready to be done, but I don’t need to make them all public (I don’t need the Air Force on my ass, after all!).  So he has decided that he’s ready to get out of the military.  It’s been good to him and he’s so glad he did it.  He’s even talked about joining up again later in life, but for now he’s spent.  And I’m secretly glad.  I no longer have to worry about him getting shipped overseas, praying he’ll return home to us.  I won’t have to spend another pregnancy alone (no I’m not pregnant, but it’s the idea) while he serves in a war.  I don’t have to pretend it’s all okay, when I’m secretly scared. 

While it may sound like I’m a bad patriot, I’m okay with that.  It would be different if he hadn’t already done so much in the military.  As I told The Hubby, it’s time for the young pups to serve their time.  Sure the benefits were amazing, but many of them are still available to us, as he is a war veteran.  I will still always be proud of his time he served, but I’m glad it’s coming to an end. 

I think he’s made the correct decision for himself.  When he first got in, he was thrilled.  He was proud and accomplished and was carrying on the family tradition of serving his country.  He talked about it all the time and tried to recruit his friends.  Now he rarely talks about it.  He dreads going to the base.  I think it’s definitely time.  I admire the women and men (and their spouses) who deal with it for longer than 9 years.

So I guess we’ll see where this goes.  He may or may not actually go through with it and I’ll support him either way.  But now you all know my true feelings on the matter!

Overheard in my House November 30, 2007

“I can’t believe you just farted in my face!  You remember how we were just discussing romance?  This is NOT romantic!”

“But I’ve always farted in front of you.”

“Don’t you remember how long it took me to pass gas in front of you?  Years!”

“And think of all the pressure you built up.  You’ve always told me it’s not healthy to keep things bottled up.”

He Did It Again! July 9, 2007

Just when I was having yet another crappy weekend, my sweet husband swooped in and saved the day. Upon waking up yesterday, he told me to get whatever homework done that was due that night and to get showered and ready. He had arranged for Squeaks to go to a sitter and he had something special planned for us.

After dropping Squeaks off, we headed off to a winery about 30 miles from where we live and where I have been wanting to visit. We spent a lot of time walking around the vineyards, touring the winery, and tasting wines. After purchasing a few bottles, I picked up a brochure about other wineries in Oklahoma, which gave us an idea. We set off for another winery about 30 more miles away. Once there, we enjoyed another tasting, then sat on their deck sipping frozen “wine-a-ritas” and listening to live music. After leaving there, we took the long way home and hit up yet another winery. At this one we tasted just a few more wines and spent some time browsing the gift shop.

Once we were wine-d out, we stopped in at an Amish kitchen on the way home for the most amazing food I’ve ever eaten! The bad part was that it was a buffet, so I ate waaay too much. It’s a good thing that it’s too far to drive there every day, or else I would be about 100 pounds heavier!

So once again, my husband took me out and helped me get my mind off of things that have been getting be down. He might not completely understand what I’m going through, but he’s making an effort to be there for me and to support me. He’s really been listening to me and after having a talk with him last weekend about everything, he’s really come around. I am so lucky to be married to such a great guy.

I Totally Saved His Life May 2, 2007

Last night I was in a very annoying mood when it came time to go to bed. Not annoyed, but annoying.

As The Hubby was trying to go to sleep, I kept messing with him. Normally this results in a full-fledged wrestling match/pillow fight/ass kicking. This time it wasn’t working, though. He was ignoring me. So I pulled out the only thing I could think of: the belly button.

The Huby hates it when I mess with his belly button. Normally I wouldn’t even put my finger anywhere near there, but the fact that he hates it makes me go for it like a moth to a flame. So as my last resort, I reached over and plunged my finger into his belly button. And it felt gritty. Needless to say, my plan backfired and I got grossed out before he could yell at me to stop. Why was it gritty? He had just taken a shower.

I commented on it to him, but he ignored me still. Sick of him not paying attention to me when I clearly needed something to occupy me, I went into this long story of how he probably had a tick in his belly button and it was probably one of the ones that carry Lyme Disease, and it’s probably going to kill him. He just laughed at me and told me to “go find somewhere else to annoy”. But I got him curious. He felt around his belly button and agreed that it felt strange, so I turned the light on to inspect. Guess what? He had a tick in there! I was completely joking when I was spinning my tale!

After we removed it and cleaned the area up, he settled back in and was just drifting off to sleep when I had to get my last word in: “You know I just totally saved your life.”

That Scary D-Word April 9, 2007

Some very close friends of our decided last week that they could not solve their differences and that they are going to divorce. I have lived a very sheltered life, as this is the first time I’ve had divorce this close to me. My parents (and entire family) are happily married. My friends are all still young enough that they haven’t experienced it. I am blissfully happy in my marriage, even if there are days I want to ram a toilet brush up his nose. But needless to say, I’m taking this very hard.

There was no abuse, no adultery, not even lots of fighting. For this reason, no one saw it coming. And that’s what bothers me the most. There is such hurt on his side, because he was caught unaware. He had no idea that he was about to be single again. And seeing his hurt is making me so sad.

I know there are situations where divorce is the best option. I understand completely why some people choose to end a marriage. But in a situation like this, it seems to be very much based around money (he inherited millions and she’s suddenly divorcing him) and I just don’t understand human nature. I guess I am just a naiive Oklahoma girl who needs to experience the world, but it makes me sad just the same.

Why am I posting about this? I don’t know. It’s just really weighing on me. The husband of the couple has been here all night and I’ve literally been crying with him. But most of all, it makes me thankful for what I have.