The One Where I Go a Little Crazy April 3, 2008

I always thought that women talking about their biological clocks were just full of crap.  They just want kids (or security or to settle down).  But I’ve been hit by ye olde clock and I’m going crazy.  I want a baby.  I want a baby now.

I have dreams at night.  Dreams where I’m happily wearing my new baby in a sling while Squeaks and I play at the park.  Dreams where my new baby nurses like a champ and I’m not a psycho raving post-partum fool.  Dreams where Squeaks loves her sibling and adjusts perfectly.

The logical side of me knows better.  I know pregnancy will probably be a bitch, just like the last one.  I know Squeaks will be resentful for awhile and that I’ll probably have post partum issues again.  I’ll be tired and moody.  I’ll cry because I am sleepless.  I’ll wish I hadn’t chosen to do this to myself and my daughter.

But I am getting good at shutting Logical Meg up.  For some reason, that biological alarm clock is going off and I can’t find the snooze button.  The Hubby?  He’s so not ready.  He’s still not sure he wants another one.  He’s leaning towards it, but he wants to wait.  And me?  I feel like my eggs will dry up RIGHT NOW if we don’t make a baby.  He’s got logical reasons for wanting to wait, but I don’t care.  I want a baby around again.  Squeaks is a person now, a toddler, definitely not a baby.  I want to cry alongside my newborn when we’re both exhausted and frustrated.  I want to be pregnant and feel my baby kick.  Dammit, I want to pee when I sneeze, leak breastmilk way too early, and waddle around like a swaybacked horse.

I told The Hubby if we don’t make a baby soon that we need a new puppy.  He told me he would settle for a hamster.  I know he was totally kidding, but he’s going to regret saying that when I come home with a hamster and start dressing it in little clothes.

Growing Up and Gloating April 2, 2008

Today I enrolled in classes for the summer and fall semesters.  And I kind of feel like I just said to the school “Here, let me pay you to make my life a living hell”.  I’m getting so close to being done with this degree that I’m taking a bunch of really hard classes.  And while they’ll be interesting, I’m taking a lot of hours in hopes of being done sooner.  Probably not the best idea, but I feel like I’ve been in college for the majority of my life. 

And then as I’m wandering around campus today, I couldn’t help but laugh at all the young kids there, without a clue about real life.  They are all there on Daddy’s dime or a sports scholarship, they do things like pledge to a Greek house, play sports, and worry about where the next party is.  And, sure, I was there at one time (well, I always had to work to pay bills, but I was all about the partying).  They don’t even think about things like mortgages, diapers, scheduling pediatric eye appointments, or bedtimes.  And while they think they are living the life, I just want to go up and tell them Hey, this is nothing. 

I say that because I feel that while those were some amazing times in my life, I am by far living the best years of my life to this point.  I wake up to a little person who is excited to see me.  I get to teach her new things and watch her become this amazing person who is part Mama, part Daddy, all Squeaks.  I get to spoil her rotten with toys and clothes and I get to kiss her knee when she gets hurt.  I have a husband who can make me laugh (and does it all the time).  I have a house that is becoming so kick-ass that I never want to move.  We are doing all the things we always said we wanted to do, we’re not just dreaming about it.  These are the best years of our lives.

That, plus I can legally drink while those college newbies can’t.  What’s up now.

Wake Me Up When She Turns Four March 7, 2008

The last two days have resulted in battles that have caused me to remove all candy from our house.  And I love candy.  Perhaps it’s where she gets it.  It sucks, but it had to be done.

Yesterday:  Squeaks loves M & M’s.  We bought her a little Easter egg full of them when we were at the store last week and we’ve been letting her have a few here and there.  Yesterday morning I fixed her breakfast and before she had eaten any of it, she was begging for “M’s”.  I told her she had to eat first, then she could have some.  We only discussed this every 10 seconds for the next 5 minutes.  She finally starting shoving food in her mouth so that she could have her candy.  At one point I had to go to the bathroom.  She followed me in there and kissed me, then ran out of the room.  I knew something was up.  I heard a sound that sounded suspiciously like M&M’s hitting the floor.  Sure enough, she had climbed on the table and gotten her candy.  When I found her, she was shoving as many in her mouth as she could before I could catch her.  I made her spit them out, then I threw the rest away (okay, so I actually hid them and ate the rest later, but the other way sounds better).  She got in big trouble for defying me that way.  I was hoping she got the message and we wouldn’t have a repeat.  Yeah, right.

Today:  I fixed her breakfast and she started begging for a sucker.  I keep a bag of DumDums in the house because I use them to bribe her to sit still in the shopping cart at WalMart.  Most mornings usually start with her asking for a sucker, and she usually forgets after she has breakfast.  Not so today.  I told her she had to eat her food, then she could have a sucker.  It seemed like she got the message.  Then I caught her throwing her breakfast in the trash.  When she started asking for a sucker, I told her that she did not eat her breakfast, so she couldn’t have a sucker.  This resulted in her asking to eat, as she obviously thought eating would make the sucker appear.  I told her she wasn’t getting more food because she threw her breakfast away without eating any.  This went on and on.  The next thing I know, she has fished her breakfast out of the trash and IS EATING IT!  Aaaagh!  I guess she wanted that sucker pretty damn bad!

Now please don’t go saying that I obviously don’t monitor my kid well enough.  I was trying to get ready for work while this was taking place this morning.  And she moves fast.  But I just can’t believe how defiant she can be.  I knew two was full of problems, but this is one issue I didn’t forsee.  I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Fun and Games February 27, 2008

Today Squeaks committed her worse act of toddler-ism yet.  She hit me. 

She was sitting at her Diego table, playing with her Little People when I smelled the foul odor of a Diaper Code Brown.  I told her we needed to change her diaper and then she could go back to playing.  She yelled no and turned her head away (which is her new thing — not looking at me when I want her to).  I told her again, with the same response.  So I took her by the hand to lead her to her room.  And then I saw it all over her face.  She took one chubby little arm and I could see her wind up.  It was all slow motion.  And then she hit me.  And I was furious.  After disciplining her for it, she wound up and did it again.  By this time I was seeing red.

Needless to say, I don’t think she’ll be hitting again for awhile.  But I’m still shocked that she did it.  She’s never hit anyone.  I’m sure she picked it up at daycare, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me.  I was so proud that she doesn’t bite that I never considered hitting.  I’m hoping that I taught her a lesson today, but we’ll stay on top of it to make sure it doesn’t become a habit.

Besides, she’s on to better things right now, like throwing a fit because I won’t let her wear my bra out in public.

Evaluation February 14, 2008

Yesterday was the “official” evaluation of Squeaks.  Four very nice ladies ( a nurse, physical therapist, speech therapist, and child psychologist ) showed up at the house.  I thought I would be very nervous, but they were great and made me feel at home.  We all had our shoes off and were perches around the floor on the rug.  It was so funny, like kindergarten storytime, only for adults.

Squeaks took to these women right away, but only because they came armed with toys.  While they had her playing games and showing off skills, they asked The Hubby and I what seemed like 800 questions about her.  I was proud to see some skills Squeaks possessed that she had never shown us before.  They tested her in all areas of her life, basically, and the results were great.

As far as speech and language goes, she’s only testing a month behind in the way she communicates with us.  She is going through what is known as “jargoning”, which some toddlers do before actually talking (and that is what we were so concerned about).  When tested on how much language she understands, she tested at the level of a 3 year old.  I have such a smart kid!  But I’m also concerned about the words I know she hears that she shouldn’t — usually ones I say!

She also excelled in other areas.  The women were very impressed with her and her intelligence.  They said she has excellent social skills for a 2 year old, saying they usually had a hard time keeping the focus of ones this age.  The only time she had a meltdown was when they tried to test her hearing.  She did not want anything stuck in her ear, so she freaked out.  Thankfully, they will retest all of that at another time — after we get her used to having ear buds in her ears.

There were only two concerns.  We have to get her vision tested.  They are concerned that her eyes are bad.  Which would make sense with her being my child, but it’s just something we hadn’t seen yet.  But when they were showing her pictures and watching her color, she would get really close to the pages.  I guess we always brushed it off as concentration, but we’re going to get those eyes checked out.  I’m just trying to figure out how people keep glasses on a 2 year old!

The second issue was in the way she sits.  It’s been an issue since she first started sitting, but I was told by a certain doctor that it was not an issue for her.  Well, that’s not the case now.  Apparantly the “w-sitting” has affected her hips already.  We were told that if she continued to sit like that she would eventually not be able to walk.  So now we’re teaching her to sit “criss-cross applesauce”.  We’re also doing some really fun games to build up her core so that she doesn’t feel the need to w-sit.

So there is the short version of what’s going on.

Confession Time February 11, 2008

So here’s my little confession:  I am horrible about making Squeaks brush her teeth.  I like to blame it on the fact the she looked like a gummy old man until almost her first birthday, so I just never got in the habit of brushing.  But the truth is that I just forget.  The kid loves to brush her teeth and frequently asks to brush her teeth, but it seems like I’m always so busy at bedtime that I forget the most important brushing of the day.  The funny part is that my best friend’s father is also our dentist, so you would think I would be more determined to take care of her teeth to avoid a lecture from him!  She’s about to have her first visit to the dentist and I’m terrified that her teeth will be bad.

So here are my two questions for the day:

1.  How do you remember to brush your toddler’s teeth?

2.  What confessions do you have for me to make me feel better?  Do your kiddos watch too much tv?  Do you let them take juice to bed?  Someone please show me up!

Pushy, Pushy February 6, 2008

So on the week that I’m slammed with school work and bows and trying to get the house straightened up for the Sooner Start consult, Squeaks decides to morph into a brat.  She’s refusing naps and resisting bed time and we’re paying severely for it.  This child used to go right to bed with no issue and I was so thankful, but now she keeps asking for things at bedtime (more kisses, drinks, horses, and many other things we can’t understand).  When it’s time to clean up her toys before bed, she runs and hides — which also reminds me that she thinks if she closes her eyes, she disappears.  When we’re getting her dressed for bed, she wiggles everywhere instead of being the little angel she usually is.

This morning she asked for breakfast, but nothing I gave her appeased her.  She crunched herself into the corner and cried and I couldn’t understand a single word of what she was babbling.  She had a meltdown because the dog was looking at her.  But the worst was when I picked her up from my sister’s after class today.  There is a little boy who always holds the door for us when we leave.  But when he walked by, Squeaks yelled “NO” and pushed him.  Flat out knocked him down.  I couldn’t believe it.  This is the kid who is never aggressive.  She doesn’t bite, doesn’t push, and only occasionally kicks (but only because she watches me nudge the dog out the door with my foot).  Needless to say, she got in big trouble for that one, but I’m scared that it will continue.

I know all kids do this at this age, but I’m really hoping she starts sleeping better soon so that we can kind of return to “normal” around here.  I’m just scared that “normal” is gone and this is the new way that things will be!  Aaaagh!

Part 2 February 2, 2008

So we have an appointment Wednesday morning for the head lady of Sooner Start to come out and start the paperwork with us in order to have Squeaks evaluated.  Now that we’re off the phone, I’m a bundle of nerves.  First of all, I’m freaked out by a DHS worker coming into my home.  It’s not like we have anything to hide, but it’s just scary to have your home analyzed like that.  Secondly, I’m worried that Squeaks will speak fine at her evaluation and that they will tell me I wasted their time and money on it.  But I guess that will be a good thing.  I guess my mind is just running like crazy over this thing.  I don’t want my baby to have ANY problems, but I guess it’s good to find out now and get to work on it.  I know this seems trivial to some of you who have children with worse disabilities, so I apologize for being petty.  I’m just a little freaked.

Say What You Mean February 1, 2008

I’ve been wondering lately if Squeaks is having problems with speaking.  She’s learning new words every day, but she’s still babbling a lot and we can’t make out what she’s saying.  She knows what she’s saying, however, as she’ll repeat it verbatum when we ask her to.  There are a lot of frustrating moments every day where she is saying something to me and I just can’t figure out what she wants.  We still have to do a lot of pointing in our conversations, simply because I can’t understand her.  And I’m not afraid it’s a learning disability.  She’s very smart, more so than I would expect at this age.  It’s just the confusing speech.  So I asked my sister (a childcare worker) what she thought.  She confessed that she’d wondered about it, but she didn’t want to offend me by bringing it up.  We got to talking about the different ways to go about getting her evaluated to see if there is even a problem.

I’ve started the process by seeing if she qualifies for a program known as Sooner Start, as statewide organization to help preschoolers with speech (and other) problems.  I’m not sure there really is a problem, but I would rather know now and get it fixed before we have to completely reteach her how to talk.  But now that I’ve publicly addressed the issue, I’m bothered by it.  I know that speech problems happen in lots of kids and it can be fixed with simple therapy, but it still bothers me.  I keep thinking that maybe she watches too much tv and we don’t spend enough time conversing.  I’m worried that we did something wrong.  I guess these are just natural feelings for a parent, and they are ones that I didn’t think I would have about this. 

So talk to me, parents.  Let me know if your child has had similar problems and what all the therapy entailed.  Or just tell me that this is fixable.  Or…..something.

The Fun of Raising a Toddler January 12, 2008

So this toddler thing….oh this toddler thing.  There are days that she’s so damn cute that I could just squeeze her ’till her head pops off.  And then there are days that I’m so mad I could just squeeze her ’till her head pops off!  Squeaks is so much fun these days, pretending when she plays and being so much more interactive.  She’s learning new phrases every day and they crack us up, especially when she farts and she yells “TOOT!”.  That’s always a riot at family gatherings.  But she’s also exploring that independant, defiant side.  And she whines.  Throughout this, we’ve learned that putting her in the corner is the best discipline for her, but it’s finally backfired.  Now she does something she’s not supposed to and then she says “Corner, Mama?”.  She knows she’s going to be sent to the corner, but apparantly it’s worth it to scream at me in return for a few minutes sitting in isolation.  I guess we need to find a new tactic.

She’s becoming more helpful (and by helpful I mean she’s making a lot more work for me).  When I’m folding laundry, she helps by trying to put the clothes away.  This ends in my re-folding them and putting them up myself.  After I sweep and mop, she tries to sweep while the floor is still wet, which means that all the dirt trapped in the broom gets put right back on the wet floor.  But I don’t want to hamper her helping me.  I’m proud that she wants to do what I’m doing and she really is trying to please me by helping out.

But she’s terrified of the vacuum.  Terr. i. fied.  It’s probably because we only have 2 carpeted rooms in the house (the rest is hardwood flooring) and we rarely vacuum those rooms when she’s awake.  But we recently purchased an area rug for the living room, which requires regular vacuuming.  When I bring it out, she gets in Daddy’s recliner and squeezes in as tightly as possible, closing her eyes and covering her ears.  I should feel bad about scaring her, but it’s really kind of funny.  Hmmm….maybe I can use that as punishment.  Instead of sitting in the corner alone, I’ll put her in the corner where the vacuum is!  That should do it…