Searching August 6, 2008

What do you do when your child falls obsessively in love with a movie that came out in 1941?

Yep, we’re still on a Dumbo kick around here.  Big time.  And it goes back to the library very very soon.  I have renewed it as many times as possible.  Thankfully I’ve found that I can still order the DVD from Disney before it gets “locked in the vault” — do they really stop selling these movies after a certain amount of time or is this just a sale ploy?  But the problem is that Squeaks now loves all things Dumbo.  And there are NO Dumbo things out there.

I was at the mall yesterday (somewhere I haven’t been in years — I hate the mall).  I decided to pop into the Disney store to see if they had any Dumbo merchandise.  Once I waded through all of the princess crap (gag me) and the High School Musical nonsense, I got to the actual cartoon characters.  There were TONS of Winnie the Pooh things and I wondered when he became the Disney golden child — I thought it was always Mickey Mouse!  I dug through stuffed animals, shirts, backpacks, pajamas, and books but there was no Dumbo in sight.  As I was leaving, I found a very small plush Dumbo stuffed onto a rack of Lilo and Stitch characters.  I was so excited to see that blue-eyed elephant in the yellow hat!  After spending an outrageous amount of money on something so small, I took it home to a very excited Squeaks.  She hasn’t put him down yet and she keeps saying “Thank you SOOOO much Mama”.  And that made it worth it.  This kid never asks for anything.  She doesn’t expect things when we go to the store, so it makes me want to surprise her that much more.

But now we’re tapped out on all things Dumbo.  I’ve found the soundtrack (a rare find) on Amazon that I plan to order in the next few days.  And there are a handful of things on eBay, but most of them are expensive collectors items that Squeaks wouldn’t even be able to play with.  With her birthday coming up in a few months, I’ve searched high and low for Dumbo birthday decorations, but to no avail.  I guess we can always just do regular elephants or a circus theme, but I know she would freak out over a real Dumbo party.  Our amazing local bakery will make any kind of cake and I’m sure they would have no problem making an elephant creation (should I do red velevet cake a la Steel Magnolias?!).

But while I complain, I guess I should see the bright side — I won’t be throwing a lot of money away over a fad, like Finding Nemo or Cars, where you can find merchandise at every store.  I will have to be creative in order to find something resembling Dumbo, and that’s something I don’t mind doing for my girl.  And even though it’s possibly that saddest movie out there, it’s also refreshing that it doesn’t have crude humor or adult jokes that Squeaks doesn’t get.  It’s just a good kids movie.  After all, it’s my job to teach her crudeness.

Shrink This, I Dare You August 5, 2008

Last night I had one of those dreams that could only be appreciated by you, oh bloggers. 

In it, I was in California for some kind of college reunion — funny because #1) I have yet to graduate, so there should be no reunion, and #2) I go to school in Oklahoma, not California.  But I guess these are just details, people, details.  Even though we were supposedely in Cali (I wouldn’t know, as I’ve never been there), the college campus was there.  The entire thing was blocked off for some serious booze-drinking and all around reunion fun.  As I was enjoying my booze-soaked haze, I wandered away from campus.  There were houses all lining this street with people out in their yards.  I happened upon one house and ran into no other but Jennster!  Being the huge dork that I am, I ran up to her and yelled “STER!” and gave her a huge hug and slap on the ass, only to have her give me a horrified look that meant she had no idea who I was.  I started stammering “It’s me….Megan…well, Meg….you know, the redneck from Oklahoma….Sleepy New Mommy?” and with that, she started jumping up and down (that’s her thing, you know, jumping) and we acted like old friends from way back.  At some point, we pulled out a video camera and caught all of our fun times together.  When I finally had to come back home, I put the video in and found that it was all perfectly edited, complete with music montage, and all ready to be posted to my blog.

So Jenn, apparantly I’m in love with you.  Total girl crush, as I’m now dreaming about you.  And dreaming about perfect videos for blogging purposes.

And this is why my husband will never understand my dreams.

Starting Over for Dummies August 1, 2008

As many times as I pull away from this blog, I always come back and it’s always for the same reason:  I love to write and I love to connect with the few of you who visit.  But there are so many details that muddy up the waters.  And today I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do.

Here’s the deal.  I am tired of this blog.  There are so many old posts that need to be deleted, simply because I have a horrible habit of posting without thinking it through first (or even spellchecking) and then it turns out to be a mess that most people probably can’t understand.  I hate the dark colors on my template.  I hate that I’m stuck in a rut that seems to be associated with the Sleepy New Mommy brand I’ve got going here.  But here’s where I reveal my secret:  I’m a blogging dumbass.

I can write computer programs that would make your mind spin.  I can set up complex networks.  I’m almost done with an amazing IT education that has taught me so much.  BUT I still feel like I’m struggling with this blogging thing.  I don’t even have my own domain.  There are many times I’ve considered switching over, but then I don’t have the first clue about how to make a template.  And then there are so many options that I get all confused.  I guess that my computer knowledge is more technical and not at all designer.  So when I see all of your kick-ass blogs, I throw up a little in my mouth because my blog is so damn boring.

I rarely post pictures because 1) I hate my camera and 2) I hate posting them through WordPress.  Oh, and Flickr that everyone uses?  I totally haven’t jumped on that bandwagon yet.  And while we’re talking bandwagon, I still have yet to use Twitter.  I have an account I signed up for, but that’s it.  And I feel like all of you amazing bloggers are leaving me in your dust.  Because I’m too busy programming stupid, meaningless stuff for school and you guys are doing FUN things!

So I’m planning to try to get myself educated.  I’m going to try these new, popular things I keep hearing about.  I might even fork over the miniscule amount of money it costs to host my own domain.  And one day I might figure out how to design a damn template so my digs aren’t so dreary.

But then I’ll wrestle with naming the blog.  I’m very attached to the one I have now, but I’m not technically a “new” mommy anymore.  Sure, each thing we go through is new, but I don’t know if that’s cute or annoying.  And can I still really use that name in 10 years when I have a teenager?

So bear with me, please.  I’m so overwhelmed with all I want to do that I tend to just run away and hide.  If you feel so inclined, leave me a word of advice:  What host do you use?  Do you design your template or pay someone else to do it?  What feed readers do you like?  Give this technical dork some advice!

At Least We’re Not Playing Lion King July 29, 2008

Since Squeaks is so obsessed with elephants, we’ve been doing everything we can to let her learn about them.  We go see them at the zoo (except now, as the 100 degree temperatures keep us indoors), we check books out at the library, we look them up online and color pictures of them.  So I was pleasantly surprised to see a copy of the movie Dumbo at our library.  I know, it’s not really educational, but it’s an hour and a half of elephant fun while I can get other things done — important things like blogging and otherwise playing on the internet!

I had seen Dumbo before, but it’s been years and I didn’t remember anything at all about it, other than the song “Baby Mine” — and that was only because I had to play it in a piano recital when I was younger.  The first few times Squeaks watched the movie, I was in and out of the room.  But when I sat down to watch it with her, I was surprised at what a truly sad movie it is.  I cried when they locked Mrs. Jumbo away for being “mad”, when all she was doing was protecting her baby.  And the tears got worse the Dumbo went to see in mama in the clink and she held him in her trunk and sang the aforementioned song to him.  Dude.  It’s a kid’s movie.  I can’t believe how sad it is!

But seeing it from a mom’s point of view, I totally dig the movie.  Just like Mrs. Jumbo, I would do anything to keep people from messing with my baby.  I would go to jail for her, if it meant doing the right thing.  Who knew I could get so sentimental over a Disney movie?

Squeaks now crawls over to me and says “I’m a baby elephant”.  She pretends to cry and I pretend my arms are a big trunk.  I cradle her in my “trunk” and sing “Baby Mine” to her and my heart breaks because I know one day she will not want to be the baby elephant anymore.  She will think such games are stupid.  So for as long as she will let me, I will play the role of Mrs. Jumbo and hope that she’ll one day understand just how much this game means to me.

I Need a New Camera July 23, 2008

Seriously.

I’m still using a point and shoot, but it’s more like point, wait forever, flash a bunch of times, and totally miss the shot I wanted.  And most of them are blurry. 

But I have this problem of my husband.  He seems to think what I have is perfectly fine, simply because it has the name Nikon slapped on it.  I had a much better point and shoot, but I lost it at the bar over a year ago, so I was doomed to this little piece of crap that I now have.  And now I’m practically salivating over dSLR cameras.  I know they’re not always practical, but I want some shots of my kiddo that don’t involve the back of her head or her eyes closed.  I’ve really got my heart set on a Canon Rebel, but right now I’ll take anything over what I have.

What kind of camera do you have?  What is a good deal for someone like myself, who has to justify an expensive camera to her husband?  I’m not trying to start a photography business here, but I have to have something better.  Bear in mind that I know nothing about cameras and lenses, but I’ve been reading up on them.  Okay, go, give me some advice!

It’s Too Early For Me To Lose The Battles July 23, 2008

Since Squeaks was cut out of my womb, she has been a thumb sucker.  There were 2 weeks when she was about a month old that she used a pacifier, but she reverted right back to the thumb.  It hasn’t been much of a problem for us, as she only sucks her thumb when she’s tired or in an uncomfortable situation.  She does it a little bit at bedtime, but doesn’t sleep with her thumb in her mouth.  For this reason, we’ve let her continue to do it to this point, but we’ve set her 3rd birthday as the cutoff point for thumb sucking.  We remind her often that when she’s three, she can’t suck her thumb anymore.  At first she seemed horrified at the thought, but now she’s more accepting.  We’ll see when the time actually comes (in November).

Today we were at the post office (where she announced to the whole crowded, silent room that “It’s spooooky in here” — a word she learned from the damn Backyardigans).  As we were waiting for our turn at the counter, I noticed that she had popped her thumb in her mouth.  It was very close to naptime so I wasn’t surprised to see the action, but I thought I would talk to her about it.  When I asked her why she was sucking her thumb, she popped it out of her mouth, looked at me with disgust and said “I’m NOT three”.  She promptly returned her thumb to her mouth and I was forced to admit that the girl had a point.

I hate when she’s right.

Masquerade July 22, 2008

In the midst of all of this surgery madness, I got kind of lax on my birth control.  Not to worry, as we haven’t been having sex anyway (doctor’s orders, not my choice).  But I started back this week and I wasn’t quite prepared for the emotional ride I would be on.  I’ve always been a little unstable in that department anyway, but then I had to go and mess with my hormones.  Now I’m just a grumpy, weepy version of myself and it takes me back to 2 and 1/2 years ago when I didn’t think I could live through the day until The Hubby got home to relieve me of a crying baby.  It’s scary because I’ve been doing so well lately and thought it was all behind me…but then I get little glimpses of my “dark side” and it makes it worse.  I now remember what a thin tightrope I’m walking on.  And I’m balancing a toddler up there with me on that rope.

Last summer when I was having one of these episdoes, my doctor told me that I am just a person that will always have to be on medication.  And I HATE it.  I take a little white pill every morning to mask what is going on underneath the surfacte.  And most of the time I can hide behind that mask just fine, but there are times when my disguise slides off and I’m left a vulnerable mess.  And tonight I’m just frustrated by it all.  Frustrated that I have to medicate myself in order to get through my day, when what I really want to do is be a strong role model for my daughter.  How can I show her strength when mine is only a facade?

I’ve read the books, I’ve tried the different medications, I’ve tried different diets and forms of exercise, but I’m still dragging this disease around with me.  I have given thought to therapy, but it all overwhelms me.  Our insurance has very specific rules for mental health and I’m not sure I qualify.  Then there are the out of pocket expenses.  And the fact that I am not sure I’m comfortable talking with a therapist.  I can pour myself out online in my writing, but I have a hard time speaking to someone face to face and telling the truth about myself. 

Chances are, my hormones will settle down in the next few days and I’ll be fine.  I’ll read this and roll my eyes and think about deleting it.  And then I’ll take my little white pill, adjust my mask, and lie my way through another day.

Time to Band Together July 18, 2008

I know many of you are focused on BlogHer this weekend and that’s cool, but I’m leaving this post up for a few days because I have a huge favor.  My husband and I have a very close friend who served for years in the Marines and is now in the Army.  He is currently serving his 3rd tour of duty in Iraq.  We email constantly, but I have noticed that he’s getting pretty down.  He always talks of how all the other soldiers get letters and care packages all the time, but he rarely gets a letter.  He said it would be nice to get mail every now and then, even if it’s from someone he doesn’t know.  I figured now would be the time to truly test the waters of this blogging community.  I am asking for you to help boost the morale of a very disheartened soldier.  It doesn’t matter what you choose to do:  have your kids color pictures or write letters, send your own thank-you for fearlessly protecting our country, send a care package of anything you can think of.  If you don’t do anything else, please help me out here.

Rather than posting his personal information on here for all to see (I’m worried about anti-war, soldier hating people getting ahold of him), I’m going to ask you all to email me to get his address.  I can be reached at sleepynewmommyblogATyahooDOTcom

It would mean the world to me and my friend, both, if you all could step up to this challenge.  We may not all agree with the war taking place, but we need to thank those men who are fighting for our country.

Recovery In All Its Glory July 16, 2008

I’m 7 days out of my gallbladder surgery and I finally feel like life might go on.  All those people who told me that this surgery is no big deal is going to get kicked in the neck — when I’m able to actually kick again.  I was expecting to feel much better than I have been, so it was a big disappointment when I wasn’t back to normal after a few days.  The day of surgery was great.  They had me completely numb, so after I got home I was fine.  In fact, I asked my mom to take me to Rocklahoma!  But it all wore off overnight and Friday was the worst.  I couldn’t get a good breath and I was really hurting.  I had a huge fight with the Walgreens pharmacy about my painkillers and dosages and doctor’s orders and such.  I finally won, but I won’t be returning there for my pharmaceutical needs.

After days of a drug-induced haze, I’m finally able to get around better.  I’m alone with Squeaks this morning for the first time, which is interesting since I can’t pick her up.  She’s having to learn to do things all by herself and it’s killing me to force her into independence.  Sometimes, anyway.  It’s going to be great in the long run

My mom is kidnapping us in a little while so I can get out of the house (even if it means sleeping at her house — the exhaustion still won’t wear off!) and so Squeaks can play somewhere else, with people who can actually play with her.

But this whole experience has me seriously reconsidering the whole “I want another baby” thing.  I can’t imagine another c-section and having to deal with the pain and recovery, all while dealing with a baby AND an older child.  I’m sure I’ll change my mind again soon, but for now I’m not in the baby making business — especially since I still haven’t been cleared for sex yet!

A New Form of Space Travel July 9, 2008

Squeaks has this really annoying habit of continuously asking us “Where you going?”.  But she says it in this really shrill voice and she usually asks it when I’m sitting down and not even going anywhere.  We started giving her random answers just to shut her up.  But she took the cake this morning.  I was sitting on the couch, drinking my coffee, waiting for it to kick in before I could do anything prodictive.  I was waiting for the dreaded question to come up, but she beat me to the punch.  She grabbed my face and very seriously asked “Are you going to the moon on a Pop Tart?”.